Living Vicariously As A Peripatetic Shutterbug

{ More musings from the Cantankerous Old Mule }

Is there hope for mankind? (Serious musings after trolling the Kindle Store)

You may well ask, “what were you thinking, browsing through the free-to-view Kindle books? Have you completely lost your mind?”

And you would be right to ask. But I’m not a reader of Kindles – I stick to real paper and ink books, when I actually manage to make the time to read. And so I had no idea what a minefield of atrocious grammar, scandalous plots and godawful cover designs was hiding within the bowels of the Kindle Store.

Who knew that there was such a salacious craving for series upon series of books about “werebears” (like werewolves, but bears). And that 9 out of 10 of the books being offered for nothing (or under a dollar) are of the trashy romance kind – way more risqué than Mills & Boone ever dreamt of being (or so it seems from their covers and descriptions). Don’t even get me started on the so-called Christian romance novels which are no better than the non-Christian ones…

Some of the grammatically-challenged offerings that leapt out at me included Tall, Dark & Panther, The story of two sister, Caused & Effect and How to enjoy after retirement. Then, I found a whole bunch that I would definitely have downloaded if I wasn’t intolerant to gluten and actually owned a Kindle: Diary of a Vampeen, Atomic LobsterEmergency Childbirth: A Reference Guide for Students of the Medical Self-help Training Course, Lesson No. 11The Thief Who Pulled On Trouble’s Braids and The flight of the intrepid monkey.

But, once I managed to sift through the dross I did find some hilarious-looking book covers. Now how do I get Amazon to stop recommending these types of titles to me, based on my viewing history?

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15 comments on “Is there hope for mankind? (Serious musings after trolling the Kindle Store)

  1. Michael Morrow
    April 24, 2015

    Oh my…. I always feel that having a Kindle is such a taboo thing with the reading community. Most people feel as if it is a lesser form of reading, but hell I love my kindle! I really wanna check out that Children of the Lambs book, I MEAN LOOK AT THAT COVER!

  2. Andy
    April 24, 2015

    I found this post while I still had some faith in humanity.

    I can now declare that all hope is lost. Humanity is doomed.

  3. madasue
    April 24, 2015

    Bwahahahaha! It looks like you should be bitten by a werewolf or werebear Rob…seems there is a high demand for ..ahem..men of that sort.
    I must say, some of the reviews were even funnier than the atrocious cover art/title/story…
    Man, this was funny to read.

  4. kvennarad
    April 24, 2015

    Got to get me ’10 Ways to Bomb-proof your Horse’!

  5. Jem
    April 24, 2015

    What on earth is a Vampeen!?

    • Robin
      April 24, 2015

      I’m too scared to find out, Jem…

  6. Gretchen Howell
    April 24, 2015

    Thanks for the laugh, I had no idea this sort of thing existed! I kind of want to read some of them…

  7. Geraldine
    April 24, 2015

    Oh my word … that is SO hilarious! Thanks for warning me before reading … at least I could tone down the laughing at work!

    • Robin
      April 24, 2015

      Ha ha ha, I knew you would!

  8. Michael McClung
    April 24, 2015

    Hi Robin,

    I’m sorry to hear you’re allergic to gluten, kindles and, apparently, The Thief Who Pulled On Trouble’s Braids. Perhaps you might like the gluten-free paperback version, instead.

    • Robin
      April 24, 2015

      Doh! Well, it was purely the title that caught my eye! Thankfully I didn’t lump your book in with the badly designed ones! Thanks for responding, and yes, I would gladly try to read the gluten-free version.

    • Robin
      April 24, 2015

      By the way, how did you know I had mentioned your book?

  9. Trinda McIntyre Lyons
    April 25, 2015

    Tender kiss from THAT thing? That is just scary. I would check out the “How to Enjoy After Retirement” just to find out what the subject of the title is…anyway, I’m going to see what God wants to tell me through my cat now. 😀

  10. Trinda McIntyre Lyons
    April 25, 2015

    Wait…am I dead????

  11. derekmidgley
    April 26, 2015

    Inkindrebile! I laughed so much at these titles. So impressed you snapped them in colour. My kindle only shares in shades of grey. Can’t wait to start reading them, let’s see, maybe i’ll begin with “Goblinproofing…” 🙂

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